A Letter to My Daughter – January 31, 2013

Dear Adri,

You have always been precocious and intelligent beyond your years but today you blew me away with a level of maturity and understanding that I had never seen nor expected from you.

Mommy is having a rough time being pregnant and trying to move. For this entire pregnancy it’s been difficult having to have daddy do so many of the things with you that I would like to do. It’s always daddy taking you to the park, or Gymboree, dropping off and picking up from school. Daddy who plays with you at home and does bath and bedtime routines while mommy lays in bed or on the couch or hangs her head over the toilet. I miss this time with you and I’m so afraid you will resent me for that, and possibly your baby sister too.

Today it all came to a head. With only 2 days left to pack boxes and move, I was already feeling frustrated that I had to take frequent breaks due to uncomfortable tightening in my belly, sore bones and never-ending nausea and heart burn. I didn’t get as much accomplished as I had hoped. I had told you in the morning that I would take you to Gymboree after school so daddy could spend some time moving boxes before work. Both you and I were looking forward to it. Well pick up time rolls around and I am very sick with an upset stomach. I have to back out of my plans with you AND take daddy away from a night of moving. I am heartbroken. Devastated. I’ve broken my word to you and feel like I’ve let daddy down too (although that was not the case). I am bawling my eyes out when daddy calls en route to Gymboree. He says you want to talk to me and I try to put my tears away and smile through the phone. Of course you know better

“Why are you sad Mommy?”

“Because I was really looking forward to playing with you at Gymboree. We don’t get to do many things together so I was excited for this time. I don’t like to disappoint you by saying I’ll do something and then not doing it”

“But you’re sick Mommy, it’s ok. Once my baby sister comes out of your tummy, then you’ll feel better and we can all go to Gymboree together!”

You are exactly 4 years, 1 month and 2 days old. Not only did you have the emotional maturity to understand the situation and not be too upset or disappointed, you had the compassion and empathy to try to make me feel better AND the wisdom to recognize that the situation would be different in the near future and we could look forward to that.

I’ve always been proud of you, but that pride went to a new depth today. I hope I always convey just how much I love you, how very proud I am of you and how unbelievably special you are to me. These are not just the words of a hormonal pregnant woman, they are the words of a mother who recognizes just how incredibly blessed she is by her firstborn daughter. Thank you.

Love,
Mama