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Self Portrait of a Masochist

hvanmil12 comments3209 views

It has been a rotten week. A terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week. Between sick kids, sick mommy, broken laundry, gradual torture entry into daycare for my 10 month old, car broken into (which equals smashed window) and bag stolen (which equals cancelled credit cards, bank accounts, passports – the works), this week has chewed me up and spit me out.

Yesterday was my first full day back to work and my daughter’s first full day in daycare. Thankfully I love my job, and my daughter really loves her daycare (naps aside). Regardless, I was exhausted by the end of the day, considering all the drama that had come before. You would think I would be able to sleep right? Wrong. After a mere 3 hours of sleep (for me), my munchkin woke up for her 1am feeding. No problem, she went right back to sleep. I did not. I lay awake in bed listening to my 5 year old grind her teeth. Have I mentioned that I’m super sensory sensitive? You can imagine how the rest of the night went. I gave up trying to sleep around 4:30, reheated the coffee that hubby makes before going to work on night shift and did a little work. I dreaded the day, getting my oldest off to school and facing a never ending day trying to stay awake and keep my 10 month old climber out of trouble. I thought this day was going to kick my ass.

After 2 cups of coffee, I managed to put together school lunch and make myself a smoothie. Apparently 2 cups of kale, 3 bananas, 2 kiwis, 1 avocado, 3 cups of blackberry, blueberry and raspberry mix and 1 cup of coconut water (approx 1L of smoothie when blended), puts a little spring in your step, although it didn’t do much for the fog in my brain. I couldn’t focus on work, couldn’t put a sentence together let alone an entire blog post, couldn’t even compose a Facebook status to save my life, forget about keeping a ridiculously busy and curious 10 month old alive and in one piece. So I got desperate. I figured that the only thing I was fit for was strapping baby to my back and putting one foot in front of the other. No thinking, no safety issues, no problem. I dug out my MEC backpack carrier, cleaned the disgustingly thick layer of dust and cobwebs off of it (literal cobwebs, no figure of speech here), buckled Aven in and away we went.

No filter, unedited, awfuly iPhone selfie in all its glory. Note the 'suprise-brows", trying to appear somewhat sentient and avoid the drug induced coma look.
No filter, unedited, awful iPhone selfie in all its glory. Note the ‘surprise-brows”, trying to appear somewhat sentient and avoid the drug induced coma look.

I consider myself super lucky to live in Lynn Valley with beautiful hiking trails literally at the end of my street. We meandered (translate: huffed and puffed and wheezed) along a chunk of the Baden Powell trail, Aven happily chattering away, only shrieking at me when a dared to pause for a few gasps of air. My muscles shrieked at me for waking them up from their long winter’s nap. My lungs shrieked at me for depriving them so severely of oxygen. But by the time I got home, I felt so much better. Sweaty, but better. I managed to get a Cornish hen roasting in the oven, did some work and am completing a blog post as I write (ha)! I may even attempt a Facebook status update.

It's ridiculous that this much beauty is a stone's throw away from my front door
It’s ridiculous that this much beauty is a stone’s throw away from my front door

The moral of the story is this. I am a masochist. Give me a good night’s sleep, and an easy day and I get nothing done. I am lulled into junk food and trash TV filled complacency. Take everything away so all I can do is put one foot in front of the other and I will. And then some.

Best part of today? Upon arriving home from our fresh air excursion, my munchkin played for all of 5 minutes before crawling into her room, pulling herself up on the outside of her crib rails and started crying. To get in. She was down for a nap within 5 minutes…..we’ll see how long she actually sleeps!

Have you discovered your inner masochist? 

12 Comments

  1. This is so true for me as well. At work or at home, a busy days makes me get so much more done.
    I also can’t stand little noises when I am sleeping. Haven’t been able to deal with that since I started working shift work as a nurse over a decade ago. I have to wear earplugs every single time I want to sleep, otherwise I hear everything and my brain can’t shut off. Even when my kids were newborns and sleeping right next to me, I had to wear ear plugs. Each little sweet newborn sleeping noise jolted me awake like something major was going down.

    1. I’m so the same with noises! I usually have a fan or HEPA going as white noise, but ever since our baby monitor broke, I’ve had to keep them off so I can hear her across the house. Boo!

  2. I think you’re awesome because you actually get up at 4:30am when you can’t sleep rather than lying in your bed angry like I do! And ya, nothing better than some fresh air and sweat to make life a little more bearable. 🙂

    1. Aww shucks. Well if it makes you feel better, I laid in bed from 1:30-4:30 before I gave up! I had to escape the teeth gnashing 😉

  3. Sounds like you ended up rocking your day. I’m all about being an exercise masochist – if I’m not bruised and battered, I’m not working hard enough. I am seriously impressed that you were able to do so well on such little sleep.

    1. Thanks! I am not normally an exercise masochist so this was a revelation for me. I hope it’s the start of something new, I need it!!

  4. Truth! Fresh air is the cure for almost anything in this house. Our littles are sleeping through the night, for the most part, but I know when I’m woken by the sound of little footsteps heading to the potty that they’ll fall right back to sleep and I’m good for another hour.

    1. It’s so unfair isn’t it? I don’t know about in your house, but my hubby can fall instantly back to sleep. Wish I had those skills!

  5. Hugs! Ugh, that is rough! I find it’s the same for me too, give me no time and voila! Look at all I get done! Lots of time? Lots of nothing to show for it. Hope things go much better this week!

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