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Size Me

Heather van Mil8 comments5572 views
Size Me Silhouette
Size Me Silhouette
Photo credit Sarah Moldenhauer. © SarahJane Photography

I have never been terribly obsessed with weight or size labels on clothing. As a tall, “big-boned” girl, I learned early on that I could gain or lose 5 lbs in a day without trying or noticing. I learned that size is very much relative, with one brand’s 6 equalling another brand’s 10. Don’t misunderstand me – having this understanding didn’t make me a super confident, breezy person. I was still very much an insecure, shy, awkward teenage and 20-something with a distorted body image and low self esteem. If I could have waved a magic wand and changed the things I didn’t like about myself, I would have become unrecognizable to anyone who knew me.

Thankfully I’ve had a perspective change lately, and I’m not quite sure what prompted it. Maybe it was the birth of my second child. Maybe it was turning 30. Maybe it was stepping outside of my comfort zone in so many ways in 2014 that I was desperately seeking some way, any way to be comfortable. And I found it – in my own skin. I made this amazing discovery shortly after my youngest was born. So many women stress about losing the baby weight and getting their pre-baby body back, and I wasn’t. It wasn’t that I just didn’t care, it went beyond apathy. I was actually happy with my body. I liked the way it looked. I like the way it moved. For the first time in my almost 30 years, I felt comfortable in my own skin. It was liberating!

This isn’t to say that I haven’t had some setbacks. A double whammy of a career change from a very active job to one that sits me in front of my computer 90% of the time + a debilitating knee injury and slow recovery have seen gain more than my fair share of weight in recent months. The difference is that it doesn’t debilitate me emotionally or mentally. I still love my body. Because of that love I’m able to make simple, heathy, safe choices to get fit again. I’m able to dress up and go dancing with friends (or maybe just sing karaoke – gotta watch that knee!!) without a care in the world. I’m able to do a fabulous boudoir photo shoot as an anniversary gift for my hubby without thinking I need to lose some weight first.

Go ahead, ask my what size I am. I dare you! I have been every size from a 4-18 but the answer will be the same regardless. I’m size me! I always have been and I always will be, no matter what the scale says. I will continually strive to be healthy and happy no matter what my ‘numbers’ are.

I love size me! Do you? 


  1. Great post! I can totally relate – after my second daughter I just didn’t seem to care as much either. Whenever I see your photos, I always think ‘wow, she’s beautiful!.’

  2. Hi Heather! This is an issue that many ladies have had to overcome and I’m so glad that you’ve been able to find the positive side to body image. I agree with Kristyl and I can’t wait to see what other positivity the new year will bring for you!

  3. What a great post! I admire your attitude – you are beautiful! I wish more women, myself included, could fully embrace that way of thinking. I’m getting better, but it is certainly a work in progress. Happy, healthy and able to do what you want to do is the ultimate goal, in my eyes anyways. 🙂

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